The Worst Thing I Ever Did At Millsaps

Occasionally, younger people will ask about my career at Millsaps.  Apparently, some of the stories have been exaggerated over time, so I had probably better set the record straight.

Once, sometimes twice a year, I'd be caught after hours in Sanders Dormitory, but never in Franklin or Bacot.  I preferred women who were a bit more seasoned.  Still do.  As I recall, the punishment for this was you couldn't go back for like a month, which was probably a good idea.

You might have heard tales of the things I did with Doug Mann.  Many of those are true.  Doug and I were sometimes able to break into and always on top of every building on campus.  We excluded the Physical Activities Center because we considered its rounded roof too dangerous to climb without more equipment than we were willing to commit to the endeavor.  I kind of regret that now.  We were occasionally accompanied by a raven-haired vixen, who is now a respected community leader and a mother, so I'll leave her name out of it.  There was also a slightly younger gentleman from Chile who sometimes accompanied us.  He was good at climbing but complained that we'd get caught far too much, even though we never did, somehow.  I have to count on @janet.h.mann or @sydney Mann to read this to Doug because, in his wisdom, he refuses to subscribe to social media.  He'd probably still be willing to climb something if I asked him, though.  Maybe something with stairs this time.

There were more than a few nights, drunken beyond reason, on the back porch of CS's trying to convince Elizabeth Dean we belonged together, or on the front porch of the KA house at four AM plotting to take over the world, or at least find more tequila, but I don't know if those count.  It wasn't even me who put so much powder in the cannon at midnight that it broke out the windows to the TV room and set the curtains on fire.  But I was there.

Because they were reasonable people, there were times when the KAs would tire of me, and the Pikes would tire of Bonehead, so we would logically do things together instead.  There came a night when the Lamba Chi Alphas wanted to have a barbeque and keg party at their house.  The Chops suffered under us far too often for reason, but they did it without much resentment.  

I can't remember if it was Bonehead's idea or mine, but at some point, it was decided that we should have a barbeque party of our own, so he stole the Webber grill full of chickens, and I stole the keg of beer, and we walked over to the steps of Ezelle dorm with the chickens and beers and commenced to eating and drinking.  For their part, the Chops never really confronted us or complained.  I think they were possibly in profound shock that we would do such a thing.

There was probably something like thirty chicken pieces on that grill, and they had another grill still at the Lambda Chi house.  We had the intention, and the capacity, to eat them all.  Into our third piece of chicken each, a wisened member of the security team arrived on his golf cart.

"You gotta take 'em back, boys."

So we did.  We very politely took the keg of beer and the barbeque full of chickens back to the Lambda Chi house, picked up whatever garbage was in the yard to make up for the eaten pieces, and went on our way while the Chops continued their party as they had originally intended.

The amazing thing about that story is that we probably should have gotten in trouble, but, to their credit, the Lambda Chi's never reported us.  They didn't even make a security report.  I don't think Dean Good even knew it ever happened.  They got their chickens back (we continued to turn them on the grill) and made some friends, and that was that.  

I don't know what student life is like these days at Millsaps, but according to some blogs I read last night, they're holding up the traditions fairly well.  The cannon was eventually filled with concrete and made inoperable.  We weren't able to insure it if we didn't.  Probably a reasonable outcome.  The climbing upon of buildings ended one night when another gentleman decided to take a dive off the Christian Center bell tower the night before he was to be wed.  I don't think he meant to, but getting married can be pretty intimidating.  If he'd gone with Doug and me, he wouldn't have fallen.  We got all our guests home safely.  

As far as fraternities and chickens and intermural shenanigans are concerned.  I feel like not much is changed.  I can look in some of these boys' eyes and know they're just like me, maybe not as ambitious, and they can't possibly have a friend as epic as Bonehead, but the traditions continue.