Astronaut Punches Asshole

LaReeca Rucker's really cool article about UFO's in Mississippi, the recent death of Eric Beckjord, and former astronaut Edgar Mitchell's claims about UFO's, made me think about the whole genre of fringe science today and one of my favorite stories ever.

In 1969, Edwin Eugene (Buzz) Aldrin was the second human being to ever walk on the moon. His responsibility was to actually pilot the Eagle Lunar Module from lunar orbit to the surface of the moon. Buzz Aldrin is not only an American hero, but a world hero as well.

Ever since that day, fringe people have put forth the theory that the whole thing was a hoax. There's a million reasons why they're wrong that I don't have time to go into here. Suffice to say, we really did go to the moon no matter what people say.

The reason Bart Sibrel is an asshole instead of just being a guy who thinks we faked the moon landings, is that he has a habit of stalking ex-astronauts. Besides the yelling and screaming and accusations of lying, Sibrel is known to ask moon-walkers to to swear on the bible that they actually went to the moon, carrying his own bible to aid the task.

In 2002, Sibrel laid in wait to ambush Aldrin at a California hotel. When the astronaut showed, Sibrel accused him of being "a coward, a liar, and a thief" to which, the seventy-five year old Aldrin decked Sibrel in the teeth, nearly knocking him off his feet.

Sibrel made noises about charging Aldrin with assault, but the police and court would have nothing to do with it. Watch the punch on the video below.

Uncle Forry on Facebook

"You were turned into a zombie by Forest Ackerman"

When Facebook first introduced the Zombie Application, it really got to be kind of annoying as person after person was "biting" me online, so I turned the application off.

That was before I was bitten by the most famous Zombie of them all, Forrest J Ackerman.

When I was a kid, Ackerman was the editor of Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine. "FM", as we called it, was a newsprint magazine dedicated to all the monster movies from the golden age of Frankenstein and King Kong to the latest drive-in schlock. (Even a movie called Schlock! that had Ackerman in it.)

Of all the classical elements of Western Culture over the past four thousand years, and American Culture over the last three hundred years: none had as much of an effect on my life as those movies and Famous Monsters magazine.

When I grew to become a man, I actually got to meet Uncle Forry on several occasions and visited his famous Ackermansion in Horrorwood, Karlofornia.

He always acted like he remembered me, but I think he was just being polite because there have to be at least a million kids like me that he runs into every day.

Always on the edge of science and technology, Ackerman, now in his 80's joined Facebook a few weeks ago. Immediately I clicked "add to friends" on the hopes that he might confirm me. How cool would that be!

So now, like millions of new facebook users before him, Uncle Forry has taken up the Zombie application and started biting his friends. This time it's different though. All those millions of other Zombie users probably would have no idea what a "zombie" was if it wasn't for Ackerman, so, when Uncle Forry Bites me, I'm gonna damn well stay Bit!

Homos

When I was a kid, in the third grade, I heard somebody call somebody else a "homo".

I had no idea what that was. My best friend, Timmy, was also the smartest guy I knew so I asked him. Timmy said, "a homo is kind of like a retard, except they put their finger up their butt."

That didn't make a lot of sense to me, but it didn't sound like anything any reasonable person would do or want to be so I decided it was best to avoid homos.

It would be another three years before I learned that a "homo" was actually a "homosexual", and they weren't like retards with their finger up their butt, but rather they were people with a sexual interest in people of their own gender.

They may not put their finger up their butt, but I heard they did put gerbils up their butt so it still made sense to me that it would be best to avoid these people.

It would be another ten years before I learned that homosexuals were actually fairly nice people and there wasn't any good reason to avoid them--in fact, several people I already knew and liked were homosexuals.

I tell this story because it's so easy for people, especially children, to form wrong perceptions of other people based on really bad data.

I have no idea when is the right age for adults to talk to children about these things, but rest assured that they are talking about it amongst themselves long before you might think is appropriate--and they're getting it all wrong.

I also can't help but think about the kids, who, sometime in adolescence, begin to realize that they themselves might be attracted to people of the same gender, but decide to keep it hidden or even deny it to themselves because of the crazy things they hear the other kids say.

It was hard enough going through adolescence and the teen-age years as a straight person, I can only imagine how hard it is for kids who are gay.

Adults get it wrong too. I have a friend, who years ago was fired from his job as an incredibly popular high-school teacher for being gay.

This sent a pretty clear message to his straight students that, no matter how much you like this guy, he still has to go because he's gay.

It sent an even clearer message to his students who were gay themselves that no matter how successful you are, and no matter how popular you are, there's no room for you here if you're gay.

Now, you may not like homosexuals or the so-called "gay agenda", but keep in mind that it's just not that simple and what you do or say can really hurt kids who are already having a hard time adjusting to the world.

When I was young, I said a lot of pretty hurtful things about homosexuals, absolutely oblivious as to whether or not my words hurt anybody. If any of my readers were one of those people I hurt, forgive me. I was working from really bad data.

Taking the Lord's Name In Vain

You're not taking the Lord's name in vain when you use the phrase "god damn".

When you say god damn something, you're wishing that terrible things would happen to it. In biblical terms, "terrible things" can be, well...terrible, including: molten lava, infestations of frogs or locusts, death of the first born and really uncomfortable skin conditions.

For Jews and Christians, the Lord's name isn't "God" it's "Yahweh", meaning: I Am. I Am is a really cool name for a number of reasons that I might write about later. For Muslims, God's name is "Allah".

Knowing God's name is a big deal. When God gave Moses his name, it gave Moses authority when he returned to deal with his people and Pharo. For regular people, knowing God's name gives them authenticity in their worship and indicates their special relationship with God as the chosen people.

Many of the older parts of the bible try to define this idea of one god and what God is. It recognizes that people worship gods other than Yahweh. In some places, it seems to say these other gods are real but inferior to Yahweh, in others it seems to say these other gods are just imaginary.

Several of the commandments God gives Moses try to deal with these issues directly. The very first one is "I am God, (the one god) and you won't worship any other gods before me." That's pretty plain speaking.

When God commands Moses not to "take the Lord's name in vain", he means that we shouldn't try to get away with worshiping other gods by giving them the name, Yahweh. It's similar to the commandment where God tells us not to make and worship idols. An idol is not God. God is Yahweh.

You see, the most human thing in the world is to try and make God be whatever you want him to be. Since God is intangible, it's pretty easy to do. By commanding us not to take his name in vain, God is saying he is what he is. He is real and not subject to our wishes and imagination.

So, don't feel bad the next time you say "goddamn it". It may be a bit extreem to wish a plague of frogs on something, but, you're not taking the Lord's name in vain.

Image credit: one of my favorite engravings by the brilliant Gustave Doré