Wednesday, December 7, 2022

The Temple Door

 Sometimes I feel like I'm becoming a mad priest, hammering my fists on the locked temple door.  

"The people are suffering!" I shout.  But the door remains barred.  The sane priests hide from me.

Insecurity and anxiety, and doubt is making us turn into the very thing we feared, and our ancestors fought against.  I don't know how to mend this.  I don't know how to help the people.  So, I'm just going to continue to pound my fists on the locked door of the temple until something happens.  I've broken through doors before.

Tuesday, December 6, 2022

Setting Goals

Sometimes, when I set goals, I already know how I'm going to accomplish them.  All that's left is getting my head in the game and doing it.  Restoring my body is an example.  I already know everything there is to know about building muscle; I just have to do the work and accomplish it.

Other times, I set goals, and I have no idea how I will accomplish them.  Those are the important ones.  

"Take the ring to Amon Amarth, Frodo."
"How?"
"FIND A WAY!"

Saying I don't know how a goal will be accomplished doesn't mean it won't get done.  It means I don't know how it will get done...yet.

With that in mind, here are my goals for the next twenty years of my life:

I want to add three hundred or four hundred students to the enrollment at Millsaps.  It took twenty years to lose them; we should be able to get them back in twenty.  I owe this to my father, my grandfather, my uncles, my aunts, my cousins, my sister, my brother, my nephew, my wife, my step-child, my father-in-law, To Lance, Brent, Catherine, TW, Jack, Rowan, George, John, Mark, Andrew, Susan, Tommy, Bavender, Joe-Lee, Bill, Lucy, Floy, Suzanne, and especially to Robert Wingate.  

If I'm alive, this will happen!

And probably if I'm not.

My other goal, a more difficult one, I want to make Mississippi, and especially Jackson, a place where young people want to live.  Where they find the most and best opportunities for them.  I'm tired of seeing our best move away forever.  I feel like this might be difficult, but not impossible.  Hell, Rudy Giuliani restored New York, and he's apparently insane.  Surely it can happen here.

My last goal, and this one is just for me; I want to write something people will read long after I'm dead.  I want something that people can hold in their hand and say, "this is what Boyd did with his life."  

I'm planting my flag here.  These things will happen, or I will die trying to make them happen.  I have friends and fellow travelers who will help me along the way.  On these things, I feel like my heart is pure and my aim is true.  That should help.


encomio magus

Six a.m.  I smell community coffee and the Krylon fixative I sprayed on some drawings I made last week.  It's an old smell, a familiar smell, the smell of a world I left long ago.  My oldest friends live here.  Gojira, the elephants, the whales, the dragons, MY dragons...have you ever heard of Kong?  The world I was living in burned to the ground, and this was underneath.  That was a dirty trick.  My friends laugh at me, as friends do.

I was born into two families.  The more brilliant Millsaps family, and my blood family, wrapped around the Millsaps family like a vine on an ancient tree for generations into the dusty past.  Yesterday, a meeting was called of the old guard, the wizards and masters, to eulogize one of their own: Richard Freis.  

As an undergraduate, I never took a class under Richard Freis.  I wanted to, but I'll be honest with you, he frightened me.  He wrote and read in several languages.  He spoke of subjects I barely knew existed.  He had a devoted following of kids who I knew were far more brilliant than I.  Keeping up with him would have been like trying to race a giraffe.  His one stride was thirty of mine.  He was Gandalf, and I wasn't even Frodo or Samwise; I was Merry Brandybuck, the drunk hobbit who spent an entire book talking to trees.  Most of all, Richard lived in a world of books, a world I loved but feared, where I used an old cardboard bookmark to hide the line below as I read, so my dyslexia wouldn't confuse the words. 

When I returned to Millsaps with a little more confidence, his health had forced him into early retirement.   There were courses of his that I knew I wanted to take, but it wasn't to be.  His queen consort Catherine was still there, so I could at least see that world, even if I could never enter it.  His presence was still at Millsaps, though.  It hung in the air.  It's there now.  Freshmen taking the current version of the Heritage program step through the shrubs and trees he planted.

Richard's family is brilliant, strong, and resilient.  The boys resemble the father, especially now they're more than grown.  Three generations sat for their father's eulogy.  The smallest charmed everyone.  A son's eulogy for his father is a brutal but beautiful thing.

Speaking for Millsaps were two of the middle generation of wizards, my generation.  

I took Milton from Greg Miller. Then, as now, he impressed the crap out of me.  I wanted so very much to do well in the course, but thumbing through the book and waiting for the first day of class to start, I knew I'd never be able to keep up.  My reading problems would make sure of that.  Like a tortoise, I finished the syllabus, every word of it.  I did the work because it was important to me, but it was finished long after the course ended, so my grade reflected that.  A lot of my grades did.  Ironically, a few years later, someone would invent the current generation of electronic reading devices, which I can use to read almost at the same speed as a normal person.  

Gregg's adventures took him away from Millsaps, but he kept up his friendship and collaboration with Richard and Catherine.  Together, they wrote and published Richard's last book, George Herbert Journal, which sits behind me on my work table.  It's printed in traditional fashion with alarmingly small print, but I will finish it.  Just don't ask me when.  Greg couldn't attend, but his remarks were sent as a letter, probably delivered by raven or owl, and read aloud at. St. Peter's by a friend.

Next to speak was Mary Woodward, one of the more brilliant kids I spoke of who orbited Richard when I was young.  Her father was my close counselor, and her brothers were my dear, dear friends.  Mary's career since Millsaps fascinates me as she plows the deeper mysteries of our faith and travels freely in waters I can only imagine.  She became what I would have wanted to be if my eyes were more normal.  She spoke of words and ideas and volumes, almost unknowable to modern men.  She spoke of concepts and precepts she and Richard navigated freely, but I struggled to keep in sight.  The language of wizards saying farewell to one of their own.  

Catherine has promised to publish their remarks online.  I hope she does; I'd like to study them further.  After the service, she gave us all copies of Richard's last book.  I've never been to a funeral where I came home with gifts before.

After the service, I sat with my own master and dearest friend Brent Lefavor and the new master Sam Sparks, a reminder that the circle continues.  Their presence usually means I'm in the right place.

It was a convention of wizards.  George Bey, Steve Smith, the dueling Cokers, James E. Bowley, Anne McElvaine, and Bob, appropriately, had a class.  What I understand is one of his last.  There are some brilliant people in his department now, but it's gonna be hard to imagine a Millsaps without Bob McElvaine.  I see TW Lewis everywhere I go.  I saw him there too.  Of the old wizards, he's the most active and, for me, the dearest.  I'm sure I'm forgetting someone.  Please don't be offended.  

Besides Richard's family and Millsaps faculty, there were two women who mean a great deal to me, who I hadn't seen in some time.  If you don't know of Jeanne Luckett, you should.  She's one of the most remarkable women I've ever known and one of the most influential Mississippians in this and the previous century.  She created many of the memes you see today, a word I use in the actual academic sense, not the more colloquial one.  Jeanne's career intersected with mine in several spots, and before that, my adolescence and childhood.  She was a welcome sight.

Just when I was beginning to think I was the only mere mortal in attendance, Lauri Stamm tapped me on the shoulder.  She has a married name; I'll think of it in a minute.  Lauri reminded me that not only had my life and hers and her brother's intersected at several points, but her father and my father's as well.  Lauri left her thumbprint on a generation of Mississippians.  I hope they appreciate it.  I reminded her of the Millsaps Alumni function later that night, not precisely knowing she'd be abused by Doug Mann there, but not, not knowing it.  Like Doug and Brent, the sight of any Stamm lets me know I'm in the right place.

After the Alumni party, I got back to my rehabilitation facility, approaching nine o'clock.  My ventures into the dark hours are getting bolder.

"Do you want your medicine, Mr. Campbell."

"yes, please."

"Where'd you go all night?"

"A party with friends.  Before that, I helped bury a wizard."

"Bury a wizard?  How do you do that?"

"Very well, I think.  Very well.  It was a beautiful service.  Does the world feel different to you?"



Kirstie Alley

I seriously thought Kirstie Alley was older than that.  Hollywood tends to cast younger women with men ten years older than them to twist our sense of physical beauty, which entirely worked in her case.  Had I known she was only ten years older than me, I would have made a pretty serious attempt to woo her, or her sister, or her cousin or some chick she was in high school with.  She's seriously smoking hot, or was I supposed to not notice?  

She supposedly was notoriously difficult to work with, but, ya know, actors! am-I-rite?  Seriously I don't really care much about that stuff.  I'm pretty difficult to work with, too, albeit for different reasons.  Did I mention that she was seriously good-looking?  On my list of beautiful women I've never actually met, she's like number twenty-eight.  Lauren Bacall was, is, and always will be number one.  Even when she was seventy, she was still baby.  

Do you know who's not on that list?  Carolyn Munro, Angela Cartwright, and Fay Wray because I met them. Meeting and talking on the phone with Fay Wray is some of my most treasured memories.  We never once mentioned King Kong but talked at length about Lauren Bacall and Eudora Welty.   Several pretty remarkable writers were in love with Fay at one point or another in her life, and she made several attempts as a writer herself, publishing her own memoir and a really lovely play about her mother's journey from Canada.  

Finding out that Miss Eudora was one of Fay's idols was thrilling to me, it felt like a vine or green branch reached out through the decades from her life to mine, and we had a kind of connection.  Finding this out, of course, I made a trip to Choctaw Books which had a really nice signed copy of Golden Apples, which I bought and mailed to Fay, which brought on another lovely phone call.  

About Kirstie Alley though, I suppose it's wrong of me to judge someone based on their eyes and cheekbones and upper lip, but I do that a lot.  I'm a very visual person, even in a non-lascivious way, if there is a non-lascivious way.  I guess I'm trying to make or drive home the point that a seventy-year-old woman can be and is very much a beautiful woman, which is a point we don't make very often.  

I was watching the Dolly Parton Christmas special on television.  Well, I wasn't really paying much attention, but I did watch closely enough to realize that there were some fundamentally beautiful women on that show, all of which had done so much surgery to their faces that it wasn't really their face anymore.  I really wish they'd let the years come through.  There's no shame in it.  I remember what Dolly Parton looked like when she was twenty, if that's an issue.  It would be weird to me if she still looked like that.  

Anyway, the world lost a great beauty this week.  Ya'll are gonna have to go out and find another.  We don't want to run out.  I prefer dark eyes, or green eyes, so put that on the list.


Official Ted Lasso